The Little People

Snap: Ten Things My Daughter Says

Posted on May 20, 2013 by akellyanderson
Photo by Amy Cerka

Photo by Amy Cerka

At age six, my daughter Liliana already has a mouth on her. This is probably not a surprise to people who know us, but sometimes the things she comes up with leave me battling to keep a straight face.

  1. “It came from my own imagination.”
  2. “Awkward.”
  3. “Do we really need this drama?”
  4. “If [blank] happens, I will cry to death.”
  5. “Just let me be who I am!”
  6. “That was 100 awesome!”
  7. “Oh, you’re tricksing.”
  8. “Winner, winner. Tofu dinner.”
  9. “You are repressing me!” (usually coupled with number 5)
  10. “I am a delight.”
Categories: Life and Other Nonsense, The Little People | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

X

Posted on April 27, 2013 by akellyanderson

is for 10 things that rocked this week. See how I did that? It’s X day, but I’m twisting it for my own meaning. Perhaps I should got into politics. This week was pretty stellar, I have to say, so coming up with 10 instead of 5 was an easy task.

  1. Buzzfeed article are regulars on my list because they are so darn funny. My favorite from this week? “26 Reasons Kids Are Pretty Much Just Tiny Drunk Adults.”
  2. Kendragarden talks about her love of Horror movies. She likes what she likes and that’s okay.
  3. Artist Jhenai Mootz gave a fantastic Wild Women interview.
  4. We’ve been watching House of  Cards on Netflix. It’s shaping up to be really intriguing, although I have mixed feelings about Kate Mara being the Mistress–again.
  5. Loving the new season of Mad Men? Over on Ploughshares, A.J. Kandathil (my new pen pal bestie) discusses the “hidden narrator” who drives the series. A thought provoking take on a show that often defies explanation.
  6. Caitlin O’Neil’s “Riding in Cars with Words” reminisces about how her childhood road trips have shaped her as a writer. Plus it has a Muppet video, which is always a good decision.
  7. Part Four of my look at Cowboys debuted this week. I hope people are enjoying reading these posts as much as I’m enjoying writing them.
  8. It was a big week in general for writing on my end: both Cinefilles and The Baraza featured my posts, on Shakespeare and Lisa Frank Trapper Keepers, respectively.
  9. Peggy Orenstein’s look at the sexualization of Candyland is insightful and thought provoking.
  10. Speaking of Orenstain, I finished reading Schoolgirls and wrote this post on it. The reaction has been fantastic. Thanks to all of you who have Tweeted, Shared, Commented, Emailed, and Texted me about this post and how much you can relate. My only regret is that I only have one copy to lend out and the line is getting longer every day.

What rocked your week?

XO

A

Categories: Get Smart, Let Me Entertain You, Life and Other Nonsense, Objects de Art, Reading, The Little People, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

P is for Pet Peeves

Posted on April 18, 2013 by akellyanderson

For someone who considers myself an open-minded liberal, I am ripe with pet peeves. There is a fantastically long list of human behaviors that drive me to distraction. These are not things that are dangerous or prejudice, but instead acts that are ridiculously annoying. Just whittling down the list was an epic undertaking, but I have managed to do so, presenting my Top Pet Peeves (two of which I already blogged about–that’s how much they bug me):

  1. People who say “eXspecially” or “eXscape.” Those words do not have Xes in them. There is not an implied X. Stop. Freaking. Saying. It.
  2. Small dog owners who insist on bringing their dogs everywhere with them. Dog park or pet store? Fine. But your teacup lhasapoodoodle does not need to go any of the following places: The Grocery Store, The Movie Theater, The Mall, Disney World, Church, Any Store or Eating Establishment that is Not Specifically for Dogs. Just because the dogs fits in a bag does not make it a roll of breath mints that can go everywhere. My pit bull mix fits in a rolling duffel bag. How would you react if I brought her to Target with me to pick up the latest mass market designer fashions? (She does have excellent taste.)
  3. People who use the phrases “I deserve” or “It’s not fair.” It may not be fair, but very few things are. And very few people deserve anything. Those that do, don’t need to say it. They earn it.
  4. People who claim they like to write but don’t like to read. You can’t do one without the other. The same thing goes for actors who don’t watch television/movies, etc.
  5. People who take things out of the microwave early and don’t clear the time. The microwave then remains suspended at :15. Just push clear. Really. Your food is too hot to eat right this second anyway.
  6. Gum chewing. I was scarred as a child by Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in so many ways (that boat scene is just plain messed up). One of those was the fear that gum chewing would turn me into a blueberry or some other amorphous blob. Now I just find gum chewing gross. Particularly if you are going to speak to people or be interviewed, it’s just nasty to watch that wad bob around inside your jaw.
  7. Slip on shower shoes and socks. Maybe it’s because I teach a number of athletes that this bothers me so much. It’s not even the aesthetic of it–fine, you can’t be bothered with real shoes, I get it. But pick up your feet when you walk so I do not have to listen to that infernal sliding and slapping on the floor.
  8. People who talk on cell phones in public bathrooms. Is this really what society is coming to?
  9. Women who elect to start photography businesses after they have kids even though they have no photography training or experience aside from taking a billion ‘artsy’ snapshots of their kids with the only setting they know how to use on their overpriced automatic camera (and then forcing me to Like their businesses on Facebook). To be clear, not all photographers are this way–I know a number of talented, trained, and experienced photographers who happen to be moms. But charging $175 an hour to take 50 shots of a baby in butterfly wings looking off camera and getting 2 that are in focus does not a photographer make. Neither does the sole skill of turning eyes blue in a black and white picture. As my real photographer friends will tell you, it takes a great deal more than that. Take some classes, work with a real photographer. Stop ordering cutesy props on Etsy until you have a better grasp of composition and lighting.
  10. Blogs, emails, essays, Tweets, Status Updates, Basically Any Form of Writing that does not use capitalization. In professional correspondence, it’s rude (you aren’t important enough for me to hit shift). In academic writing it’s inappropriate. As a stylistic choice, unless you are e.e. cummings, it’s trite. We are gifted with an alphabet and grammatical rules for the purpose of making communication easier. Let’s not give those things, or our readers, the middle finger.

I know there are probably things I do that drive other people out of their minds as well. That’s part of the fun of sharing pet peeves is realizing what irritants we share, as well as those of which we are guilty. What little things make you crazy?

XO

A

Categories: Furry Friends, Get Smart, Let Me Entertain You, She's Got the Look, The Little People | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

M is for Morality

Posted on April 15, 2013 by akellyanderson

There is a quote by Oscar Wilde that I am particularly fond of in which he states, “Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.” While I don’t agree that this represents the depth of morality, it does reflect an unfortunate abuse. Oftentimes I think people mistake morality for personal opinion. For example, there are is an organization in my town that does a great deal of charity fundraising through gun related events. I elect not to participate because I don’t want to be involved with guns in any way and it doesn’t make sense to me personally to connect charity with violence. However, that is my personal opinion and certainly doesn’t make the organization immoral.

With a less glib and more reflective version of Wilde’s thoughts, Socrates argues that “A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true.” Both men raise the question of how emotional and personal bias can pollute morality; I ask then, if those elements are not part of morality (or at least shouldn’t be), what components should be used in constructing a moral code?

One of the many things I didn’t think about in great detail when my husband and I elected to become parents was how we would implement a moral code for our children. Certainly I considered it in an abstract way, but it wasn’t something that we made a clear plan for as we did for things like college funds. So now we (and I would guess a number of other parents) find ourselves trying to teach our children morality on the fly through modeling and real life events. Case in point:

A few weeks ago I was on my way home from a work function when I received a message from my mother (who had picked my 6-year-old daughter up at school) telling me that Liliana was in trouble for stealing. The basic story I got out of my mother (and later from Lili) was that my daughter found a bracelet on the playground. Lili was holding the bracelet and told one of the teachers that it was hers instead of turning it in. Another teacher asked her again if it was hers and she lied, which was quickly revealed because the actual owner of the bracelet had already told the teacher it was missing. On the phone, my mother was livid and had a list of things she wanted to implement as consequences. I told her just to wait as I needed to talk to my husband and Lili before we did anything (my husband was away helping the family of a friend of ours who had just had a stroke). I knew that this was an important moment that had to be handled carefully. (Side note: my husband and I talk about any consequences in big moments in advance so that we are both on the same page.)

I arrived at my mother’s house to find Liliana in time out in her room, pitiful and sulky. We talked about why she lied about the bracelet and tried to keep something that wasn’t hers (she liked it and thought it was pretty). We talked about how the other little girl, who did have the bracelet, must have felt losing it. We talked about consequences and consideration. We talked about right and wrong. It was a hard conversation because I didn’t want to lose my temper but instead wanted to make a point. Liliana did know that what she did was wrong; she knew it at the time. Yet she acted against her better judgment for short term satisfaction.

As a parent, it’s easy to say we teach our children morality, especially when we are there to help them make the right choice. It’s when we aren’t there that they are truly tested. I can’t say, even now, that I know exactly why she did what she did. Piecing it together from her story, I think that when the bracelet had no owner, in her mind it was up for grabs. By the time she was questioned about it, she panicked and lied. From what I hear from friends, lying to avoid trouble is common at this age. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. In the end, Lili lost her favorite toy for a set period of time and was made to write individual apology letters to the two teachers she lied to and the little girl she stole from. She spent several hours during her weekend playtime writing the letters (and rewriting until they were error free).  As she wrote them, we talked about how the other person must have felt when she was committing the act for which she was apologizing.

Did we tackle this in the correct way? I don’t know. Like I said, events like this lead to parenting on the fly. I’m sure there was a better way to deal with it, better consequences to levy. Being responsible as the moral architect for another person is a heavy burden–I just hope I’m up to the job.

XO

A

Categories: Life and Other Nonsense, The Little People | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

J is for Judgment

Posted on April 11, 2013 by akellyanderson

I originally wrote this post last summer. Although some of the circumstances have changed, I still deal with judgment of a destructive nature often when it comes to my kids. And it still makes me just as mad.

Yesterday was a tough Mom day for me. Whatever shortcomings Pixar’s Brave might have, it nails one image perfectly–mothers are bears who protect their young.

This Mama Bear is in a fighting mood.

It started during pick up time at my childrens’ Christian Mother’s Day Out program. Standing outside my almost two-year-old son’s classroom, I waited just a moment before getting his attention to watch him dance and play with his friends. Another mother standing next to me complimented me on his plaid deck shoes (which are super cute). I told her he had picked them out himself and that he loves shoes. Her response? She looked at his shoes, looked at him dancing, and then looked at me and said:

“Uh oh. Better be careful or he might end up . . .”

When she didn’t finish, I started to ask, “Might end up what? Working in a shoe store? Doing the Safety Dance? In the Navy?”

But I didn’t. Because I knew what she meant. However, something in me wanted to force her to say it out loud, to make her actually say that  judgmental thing she was thinking about a toddler dancing in the bubbles. So I just raised my eyebrows and waited.

Instead of saying it, she went with something worse: she did a hand gesture. A stupid, early 80s making fun of Billy Crystal’s character on Soap hand gesture.

I actually felt the acid in the back of my throat to the extent that I truly believe I could have spit like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park. In some ways, I guess I did.

“He might end up denied basic civil rights and judged by small-minded hypocrites?” I asked her. Then I smiled. “I would hope that wouldn’t happen to anyone’s child, no matter who they are.”

She started to say something, but I got my kids and left.

On the drive home I heard my daughter unzip her lunch bag. Still angry about the encounter outside Alex’s classroom, I asked her why she didn’t eat her lunch again. She gave me the same response she’s given me for the past two weeks: “I was full.”

Some back story–About three weeks ago Liliana asked me not to send her (vegan) meatballs in her lunch, even though they are her favorite. She said the boys in her class were making fun of her food by telling her it was gross and looked like poop. Her daddy and I talked to her about doing what she liked and ignoring people who make fun her. She and Daddy even practiced saying, “You don’t know, you’ve never tried it,” as a response to her lunchtime critics. She hadn’t mentioned it again, so we figured the situation had been resolved.

Sadly, it has not.

It turns out that Liliana has been telling me and her teacher that she is full each lunch hour and not even opening her lunch because she doesn’t want to listen to the boys tell her that her lunch is “gross’ and “looks like poop.” Now, I know that we have been a little hippie-dippy lately with our vegan ways, but it’s not like I’ve been sending her mung beans. Today, for example, she had a pretty normal looking sandwich: veggie turkey slices with rice cheese on wheat. If you aren’t familiar with vegan deli options, veggie turkey slices and rice cheese look like round lunch meat and Kraft cheese. There is no way these 5-year-old boys are the culinary experts to discern that her lunch is anything out of the ordinary. Other days I’ve sent her pasta, cream cheese pinwheels, and pita pockets. To go with it she usually has carrots, some sort of dried or fresh fruit, and, if we’ve been baking, a muffin or cookie. Yes, these things are vegan, but they look the same.

These boys are just being mean. Liliana, for those who don’t know her, isn’t a timid little girl. She stands up for herself and her friends. However, I think part of the issue is that the leader of the group is a little boy Liliana was best friends with from age two. They’ve played together, gone to each other’s birthday parties, and now, he has become her tormentor.

I’ve tried to explain that this sometimes happens with boys–they get silly and pretend they don’t like girls for a few years. She’s told them her taught line about not having tried it. She sits at a different table with little girls who are her friends. And yet, for two weeks she has been eating her lunch at 3:15 pm in the back of our car because she’s hungry and afraid to eat during lunch.

The compilation of these two events has spiraled me into a new realm of pissed off. In terms of Alex, what set me off about that mother is how easily she slipped into the role of judge. He’s a year old. He’s smart, funny, cute, and loving. He’s a great little guy. If my son is gay, my son is gay. If he’s not, he’s not. No lame stereotype she’s concocted is going to define him. The only reason I wouldn’t want him to be gay is because the world would be harder for him.

We live in a country where normal is defined in a way that strips people of their rights and identities. As his mother, I want Alex to love who he wants to love and not be made to feel ashamed of it nor denied civil rights simply because he is being honest about who he is. Mothers like that judgmental mother will raise sons and daughters who think like they do. Which means one day another child–maybe my kid, maybe not–could be mocked and bullied for being different. That, to me, is not acceptable.

Liliana is another matter. It breaks my heart to watch her learn about cruelty. We want her to fight her own battles, to be strong and proud of who she is, but in this case that has been deflected. I’m going to talk to teachers and possibly the ringleader’s mother because a little girl should not be going through the day hungry due to mean children. It’s ridiculous.

I have had several conversations about motherhood over the years and have named several things that at one time or another seem like the hardest part: the isolation from other adults, the frustration of trying to teach them when you want to strangle them . . . the list goes on and on.

Right now, this feels like the hardest part. Watching the world work its meanness on my cubs is hard enough; knowing that I can’t act on my impulses to protect them in the way I want to tears at my heart. Instead of of one swiping blow that knocks out judgmental mothers and bratty little boys, I have to settle for warning growls and hard lessons for my cubs about standing up for yourself and not letting anyone make you feel bad about who you are.

That being said, if my warning growls get ignored again, this Mama Bear is going to draw blood.

Categories: Feed the Belly, Get Smart, Let Me Entertain You, The Little People | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

H is for Happy Cassarole

Posted on April 9, 2013 by akellyanderson

My fear of cooking is a strange animal. What some people find relaxing, I have always found stressful. Instincts? None. If I didn’t have what a recipe called for, I panicked. The weird glitch in this machine is Spanish cooking. That makes sense to me. But that is a story for another time (come back for V!).

Changing our eating habits has changed the way I view cooking. Preparing food for my family is fun and easy. Vegan baking, especially, just makes sense to me. I use my growing collection of vegan cookbooks for inspiration but then adapt them to what I have in my kitchen.

The vegan experiment continues to be interesting. I find the more I cook with real ingredients, the less I want to use the fakes (soy cheese, soy burgers). My son’s perpetual runny nose as cleared up after over a year. Personally, my energy continues to escalate.

Monday afternoon my daughter and I were chatting about something or other (with a 5-year-old you never know) and she said, “Mommy, you should have a restaurant.” What should I call it, I asked her. She thought for a long minute and then said, “Mama’s Happy Gift of Food. And you could serve Happy Casserole every day.”

This made me feel so good about the changes we’ve made. Below you will find my “Happy Casserole,” a dish my daughter asks me to make every day. Mix it up, make it your own.

Happy Casserole (as named by my daughter)

Use whatever green vegetables you have on hand, fresh or frozen, if you prefer to peas and broccoli. I mix all the ingredients with my hands and let my kids help. Feel free to toss in a handful of your favorite savory seasonings. I used Italian Seasoning.

Ingredients:

Two 15 oz cans of chickpeas, drained and rinsed

1 onion, chopped

2 cups carrots, chopped

1 1/2 cup broccoli florets, chopped

1 1/2 cup frozen peas

1/2 cup whole wheat Panko (or breadcrumbs)

3 TBS olive oil

1 cup vegetable broth

1 tsp salt

Cheese or rice/soy cheese (optional)

Preparation:

  1. Preheat the oven to 350.
  2. Mash up chickpeas with a fork or potato masher until they have the consistency of lumpy mashed potatoes (about 2 minutes).
  3. Mix vegetables into chickpea mash. Add panko and mix, the oil and mix, and the vegetable broth and salt. Mix one last time.
  4. Press the mixture into a 9 x 13 glass baking dish. Cover with foil and bake for 40 minutes. Remove the foil and bake another 15 minutes.
Categories: Feed the Belly, The Little People | Tags: , , , , ,

B is for Balance

Posted on April 2, 2013 by akellyanderson

As a college instructor, my students teach me things on a daily basis (unfortunately, I worry, much more than I teach them). Some of it is fantastic, entertaining, and even inspiring. More often though, it is frustrating and sometimes downright shocking. In teaching dual credit (high school students who are taking college courses from me for credit), I find a recurring theme that unfortunately falls into the frustrating category: students and parents have forgotten what extracurricular means.

Several times a semester I receive an email from one of my students telling me that they are behind (and usually failing) in my class because they had extracurricular activities that required their attention. They say this as if I am a crazypants for even expecting them to do academic work when there were tournaments and festivals to attend. It takes every ounce of self-control for me not to point out the “extra” part of extracurricular. Part of the problem is that many of these kids participate in four or five activities, meaning that one week they are gone from my class for UIL, the next golf.

Let me say before I go any further that I am certainly not saying students shouldn’t have outside activities. They absolutely should. But when those activities overwhelm the education aspect of the school experience, I think it’s gone too far. And it’s not just in high school; when I hear other mothers discuss all the things their kids are involved in, I feel that wash of epic parenting fail. Should my six-year-old daughter be doing music, swimming, softball, art, gymnastics, and dance? Is it my job as her mother to enlist her in a buffet of activities so she will be well-rounded?

Maybe I should, but for now, I’m not going to. She takes dance once a week and with trying to acclimate to life as a Kindergartener, that seems like enough. This summer perhaps she can try some mini camps of various activities to get a feel for them; however, I’m not in any rush to fill up her schedule. Certainly kids should try things and discover their interests and talents, but like adults, they must learn to balance and prioritize.

I have to remind myself of this all the time–there are choices that must be made and those choices have consequences, for good or bad. There are certainly times when I feel out of balance with myself and the world, such as when I’ve let my work take over every last ounce of my brain or I pretend there aren’t emails to be answered and lessons to be planned. Even more often, I let the me who is not mother/wife/teacher fall through the cracks. Last night I came home from a beating of a day with sore muscles and a headache, feeling like I was drowning in obligations from both sides. In the back of mind I had a red light flashing “B IS FOR BLOG,” knowing that there was a good chance I’d space on this post and end up throwing up some last minute flake-out (B is for Boring). And then I remembered why I started Generation Cake almost three years ago–I wanted a place to find balance between all the roles, the curriculars and extracurriculars, the parts of myself that made me, well, me. Sometimes I just need a reminder.

XO

A

Categories: Get Smart, Life and Other Nonsense, The Little People | Tags: , , , , | 12 Comments

Vanishing Disney

Posted on March 29, 2013 by akellyanderson

Growing up, I didn’t watch network TV that often. We didn’t have cable at home, so my mom and I watched a videos of old movies from my mom’s formative years. (This is why I never saw The Breakfast Club, but I can quote films like Some Like It Hot and Pillow Talk.)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/05/Living_Prairie.jpgWhen I went to my grandparents, I was allowed to watch the just launched Disney Channel. In their back bedroom I watched all of the original Mickey Mouse Club (Annette, not Britney), most of the movies from the studio days (I had a crush on Dean Jones), and all of the old school Disney cartoons (Ferdinand = LOVE). I watched reruns of Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Disney (and the upgrade, Wonderful World of Color). There were the short movies, the series like Skip and Marty, and even those True-Life Adventures like The Living Desert (I would kill to have that on DVD). I loved them all and those are the things that sculpted my childhood, much to my husband’s frustration when he realizes I didn’t grow up watching She-Ra.

Of course that’s all changed now–everything is comedies starring kids who will eventually be on Dancing With the Stars or tabloid fodder as they attempt to break free from the image that won them fans to begin with. During college when I stayed at my grandparents, I would occasionally catch Vault Disney where they would replay the earlier stuff. Now I don’t even think they do that. Some of the stuff can be bought on DVD, but I miss stumbling across it.

One of the things I miss most is DTV. It was like MTV but with Disney cartoons, so basically pure awesome. I learned the words to a number of popular songs because they were on DTV. My hands-down favorite was “Kiss on My List” by Hall and Oates. I actually picture the DTV video when I hear the song, which happens to be one of my favorite songs (it was my husband’s ringtone for a time). Imagine my delight when I found it on Youtube! So enjoy some DTV fun on this Friday. I know I will.

Categories: Let Me Entertain You, Life and Other Nonsense, The Little People | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dear Parents: Some Rules Aren’t Made to Be Broken

Posted on March 26, 2013 by akellyanderson

Dear Fellow Parents:

Fess up–this parenting thing is harder than you thought it would be. When they were babies and you were living in that dark tunnel of no sleep-crying-poop, you thought, “It’s going to get better.” And it did, depending on the how terrible twos and threes went for you. Or you at least got used to it. (Side note: have you noticed every time you figure out something, like how to handle tantrums, your child evolves and creates a new nightmare of crazy that you never imagined you’d have to deal with?)

Here’s the thing: parenting is hard and for me, the older they get, the more challenging it gets. Now we’re not just responsible for feeding and changing; we are responsible for creating members of society. I think one big step toward that is stopping all this holiday blow out nonsense. I’ve complained about it. Others have complained about it. It’s like a runaway train of ridiculous.

For today though, I’d like to address a specific issue: rules. Our world is constructed of rules. It’s how we train the id that it’s not okay to just do whatever it wants. It’s why my toddler gets so frustrated with me (“No Alex, we do not pull down our pants and wiggle our hips and boy parts at passing ladies”). Kids have a hard enough time learning to make moral decisions and obey the rules. Please stop picking which rules they follow.

At my daughter’s school, the kids are not supposed to bring toys to school, wear sandals, or wear short skirts. From my perspective, these are all logical rules: toys get broken, lost, or cause outbreaks of “It’s mine!” Sandals are not the best footwear for playing outside or going to PE. And as for the skirts? They are little girls, not contestants on The Bachelor.

When we first enrolled in our current school, I sat down and read the handbook cover to cover. Our family talked about the rules and expectations so everyone was aware of them. And we follow them.

Where this gets hard is that other parents pick and choose which rules their children should follow. Every time I dropped my daughter off last fall, I got to watch a number of little girls in ribboned, jeweled, or otherwise adorned sandals tromp into school. A friend of my daughter keeps bringing her entire collection of My Little Pony for recess. And when I pick my daughter up I’ve seen way too much little girl bootie exposed when bending over to pick up backpacks.

So what, Amber? Who cares? It’s just silly stuff. It’s not like they’re breaking important rules. They’re kids! Let them enjoy it.

My point is this: when a parent allows a child to knowingly break a rule, especially one established by someone else, they are teaching their child two things. First, that they can pick and choose which rules they want to follow depending on what they want. Second, they are more important and special than other people because the rules don’t apply to them.

I’m not saying we should all raise little conformists. My daughter electing to bring vegan snacks for her week as snack helper proves that. But when we model from an early age a disregard for rules and guidelines, we are teaching children that those types of behaviors are acceptable.

About once a week I have to explain to Lili why she can’t wear sandals or take her toys. We’ve actually gone and read the handbook now that her reading is better and I try to explain why these rules exist. Still, a few weeks ago she went against the rules and took a pony stowaway to school so she would have one to play with at recess. When we found out about it, she lost the privilege of playing with the pony for two days (“what you abuse, you lose”). She was upset, arguing that other little girls got to bring their toys. My reply was merely, “That’s between them and their parents. We follow the rules.”

These children are going to grow into young adults and adults who need to at least understand the importance of rules. Certainly they can and should question them, but in the end part of being a grownup in following rules, particularly those set up for good reasons.

I’m your biggest fan, fellow parents, because I know how hard this is for all of us. Just please make your daughters wear tennis shoes.

XO

A

Categories: Get Smart, Let Me Entertain You, Life and Other Nonsense, The Little People | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

My Cat is a Sociopath: Life with Sweet Caroline

Posted on March 19, 2013 by akellyanderson

Yesterday I reposted my response a year ago when we adopted our cat, Sweet Caroline (and yes, we named her after a Neil Diamond song because we are that kind of awesome). Having never really had a cat, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I figured she’d keep to herself and we’d see her about once a year. I was mistaken. Here are five things that have surprised me about living with a cat.

  1. Cats really are predators. Seriously, I knew cats killed mice. What I did not realize is that it would be done with stealth precision. Living next to two open fields we get a number of uninvited visitors. She kills them quickly and efficiently. Thankfully she doesn’t toy with them or eat them. Instead, she doesn’t wanted them in her house and she deals with it. While I certainly don’t condone killing animals, I also think that sometimes humans forget the natural instincts of said animals.
  2. Cats are also kind of sociopaths. So Caroline doesn’t enjoy taunting mice; she does enjoy taunting our border collie, Charleigh. Each day Caroline walks me to the front door when I leave for work. Watching through the window, I then observe her settling on the landing of our stairs where she stares at Charleigh. When I come home, she’s usually still there (and Charleigh is laying in her bed looking very sad). I’m not sure if she breaks for lunch. When I settle in on my Fridays off to watch SVU, the fact that the theme music brings the cat running in the room is not an accident–I think she’s looking for tips on getting away with murder. Interestingly enough, Caroline does respect (and sometimes tag team hunt mice) with our dalmatian mix.
  3. But can also be incredibly sweet (sometimes in a scary way). Of all Sweet Caroline’s habits, I think her affection was the most surprising to me. She talks to me all the time in little chirpy purrs, follows me around, and tucks me in at night before sleeping right next to me or on my chest. When I’m gone for a few days, she is happy (I think that’s the emotion) when I return, nuzzling me and purring. However, her version of sweet sometimes is a recipe for pain. A few weeks ago my toddler son and I were having a little snuggle nap. Alex fell asleep with his sweet little hand wrapped around my index finger. I dozed off until I felt a sharp stabbing in my thumb. My eyes flew open to discover Caroline on my chest, her paw wrapped around my thumb, claws digging in as she purred.
  4. Cats get the crazies. How else you explain that Caroline can go three months sleeping on our bed with no problems and then suddenly one night she realizes there are things under the covers (my feet) which she must attack? Usually this leads to running in and out of the room for no reason at all. Although she is allegedly afraid of water, she will also climb on the edge of the bathtub to chat with me. Sometimes she’s also a little stalker–if she feels that she hasn’t had enough petting, she’ll wake me up by a.) licking my face, which is like exfoliating with wet sandpaper, or b.) grabbing my bottom lip with her paw.
  5. Cats don’t need to be (and shouldn’t be) declawed. I knew nothing about declawing when we first got Caroline. My husband’s cats growing up had been declawed and I was one of those people who thought it was like some sort of kitty manicure. When the vet advised against it, saying because Caroline was older it would be extremely painful and take a long time to heal, I looked deeper into the situation. What I discovered had me calling my husband in tears, begging him to let us leave Caroline’s claws intact. He agreed and I know we made the right choice. We designated several scratching posts in the house that belong to her and she uses regularly. She does sometimes get a little nuts (see number 4) and claw at a door frame, but verbally reprimanding her takes care of the problem. The kids have gotten scratched, but it was because they were not following the rules of how to behave with the cat–when they trap her and drag her around like a doll, only to start dressing her up, I think a little scratch on the arm is appropriate.

In the end, I’m glad we went with our instincts in adopting a cat that needed a home and seemed to bond with us. My allergies have disappeared and Sweet Caroline has proven a wonderful companion for our family. Even if she is a little psycho sometimes.

XO

A

Categories: Furry Friends, Let Me Entertain You, Life and Other Nonsense, The Little People | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

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